Maybe the hippies are on to something...

This summer I have been wrestling with conservatism.  I have a friend that has become more conservative, while I, on the other hand, have become more liberal.  As time has gone on, our friendship has changed.  I found myself on defense, not wanting to share all aspects of my life, of my beliefs, of what God was doing in my life...I found myself hurt, but the hurt played out as anger.  I questioned how people can read the same Bible, and still have such different convictions, how someone could judge so easily.  How God can speak so differently to so many people - are we truly aware to God's voice in our lives?  How can He be so different??

And then...

This last weekend I was fortunate to listen to Seane Corn (Yoga Instructor, Humanitarian, Activist, Lover).  So many things she said struck a chord with me, or...slapped me in the face.  But a good face-slapping is required from time-to-time.  

One of the things that slapped me in the face was this:  She said that the things we don't like in others is most likely a reflection of ourselves.  Ouch.

I started to analyze my friendship with Miss Conservative.  What is it that I don't like?  I don't judge those liberals.  I actually really like them.  But...I don't hold much space or respect for people with conservative views.  I don't hold much space or respect for their truths and their journeys with God...I judge them, and I judge them harshly.  I have a need to be right....I am just as harsh as those right-wingers...ouch. 

Even as I was writing this blog, she called, and I was finding my chest tightening, the need to be right.  I need to remind myself to ignore her story, and see her soul...see her soul, her precious soul that so badly wants to do right and be loved.  And I can do that.  I can love. 

I think that's what this life is...it's practice.  It's a practice in loving God & loving others.  Because, I am gonna mess up.  A LOT.  But that doesn't mean I can give up, I need to keep practicing loving others, loving God.  I am going to have to remind myself over & over again to love, to ignore the story, to see the soul...

Cheerleaders

Most mornings I write.  This morning, I read what I had just written and was slightly embarrassed.  I made myself sound like a saint (ok that word is a bit much, but in the moment, I thought "Geez...I'm not that great!)...I began to bury those words deep down inside of me, never to be remembered again, but something inside of me stopped myself, and I re-read them.  I stopped and realized it was ok - everything was true.  I accurately described my struggles, my motivations, & my victories.

I was reminded that it's a good thing that I am my best cheerleader - nobody else knows my struggles quite like I do.  Nobody else knows my dreams quite like I do.  It's important to celebrate victories, no matter how small they are.  It's important for me to celebrate the person I am, the person God is growing.  It is good to enjoy yourself, to be self-assured...

I know for myself, when I appreciate the things I have done, the ways I have grown, I am not looking for outside affirmation.  (Yes, outside affirmation is always appreciated, but not needed)  I am not needing to boast of what I have done, what I have learned, or how I have grown.

I think this is where Whole People come from - this place of mindfulness, self-assurance...knowing one's own faults as well as strengths, and the deep gratitude for life and the exploration of it all..

weary.

Sometimes life beats me up a bit.  Some things do not come easy.  Some things don't go as planned.  Plans are put on hold.  De-tours are required.  Sometimes I feel wounded, raw, sensitive, bruised, vulnerable...

These are the times I take a break.  I retreat for a few short moments.  Listen to something quiet, Drink something warm, Read something moving.  Then I get back out there.

Because I know these are the times I will be most proud.  These are the times I acted instead of reacted.  These are the times that will shape me to be who I will be am.

and in all things I am grateful.

My prayer

My prayer for you on this fine Tuesday morning:

Ironic.

It's ironic how the source of greatest joy is also the source for greatest suffering...









on repeat today...

Alive.

This morning I read Romans 8-17 and it spoke straight into my heart.  Had to share.  I'm just recapping in my own words.

Paul starts off by saying, If your sinful nature controls you, it will will control you mind, producing negativity, but if the Holy Spirit controls your spirit, than it produces things pleasing to God.  He continues to contrast the two in more depth.  The spirit controlled by the Holy Spirit is light and peaceful, but the spirit controlled by the sinful nature is one of hostility, muck, & general negativity, a heavy blanket.  Then Paul says - but wait! Don't Forget!! You ARE controlled by the Holy Spirit!  Remember, God lives in YOU!  Your spirit is ALIVE!  You don't have to live in the muck, You are FREE!  Don't live like a fearful slave.  Remember who you are - you are a child of God.  He wants you to start living like one - to share in His joy, to live the good life.  This doesn't mean life is easy, but it is indeed good.

This passage just breathed fresh air into my soul.  Lately I have had experiences that I am not proud of.   It is so easy to focus on my failings, my shortcomings, to get bogged down, to wear that heavy blanket.  I think that's one of Satan's tricks, to make the negative so pervasive and so....final.  If we only focus on our shortcomings and the negative, we lose sight of who God is, who we are, and who He has called us to be and the incredible beauty of that entire dynamic.

As I read this passage, I felt like God had pulled away my blinders, allowing me to see the periphery.  Into my soul I heard, "This.  This is who you are because of Me.  So go.  Live. Drink Deeply. & Love Freely."

New Year

I have never been one to make resolutions...they seem too limiting.  And there seems to not be much forgiveness when they aren't met.

What I do believe in is setting intentions.  With intentions, there is a freedom for the intention to be expressed in a multitude of ways.  And there is a playfulness when exploring the different expressions of an intention...

This year's intention is to love.  Intentionally & purposefully...however easy or difficult.  I've realized this last week that I'm really good at loving when it's easy, when I'm joyful, and when people are like me.  I am terrible at loving when it's hard, when I'm frustrated, and when people make poor choices and are different from me.

I know that love is cultivated in my life through praying, stretching, serving, & creating.


Here's to a lovely 2012